With one week left...

I can't believe it. After 11 weeks in Uganda, my time here is finally drawing to a close…

It's strange really, how fast the summer has gone. With only one week left, I find myself trying to decipher my own feelings. I can reflect on what I have done, or maybe what I haven't done. I can start to view, though vaguely, how this time may fit into my broader story of my life. Is this just another chapter, or is this where it all begins…

I came to Uganda for various purposes. First, I wanted to live internationally for a while. I thought this time would offer some clarity for my future, either affirming or extinguishing my interest in working internationally. I wanted to work for the federal government, to understand if I could live the life of a bureaucrat. I wanted understand life in a developing country, to understand the experiences of those billions of individuals who are less fortunate with myself. I wanted to discover how I can be a catalyst for change in the world. Finally, I wanted to grow as an individual. I wanted to take time to escape from my comfort zone and make myself vulnerable. I wanted to find myself.

To say the least…this hasn't all gone as well as I anticipated. I have received no clarity regarding my future, or my desire to work for the government. I can see the "problems," but can decipher were they start (or how to fix them). Hell, I haven't even learned how to save the world. Who would thought?

Early in the summer when I was at a show, this man said "The more you know, the less you understand. Once you know everything, you understand nothing." I don’t think I could sum up my experience any better than this…

This may sound negative, as though I have had a terrible summer. In fact, it has been quite the opposite. However, in my quest to answer my own questions I have done one thing incredibly successfully, I have become increasingly mindful. I have begun to look at the world through a different lens, one I wanted to find through my education, but never could. I have learned the need look at our world's problems holistically, understanding the complexity of addressing social issues. I have developed an enhanced sense of empathy, one that allows me to take a step back from my own beliefs and understand those of others. This didn't necessarily come in the manner I though it may, but I believe I was successful nonetheless.

My blog could end today…concluding that "life abroad isn't so bad" and "I can live an American life anywhere". I could also say "Man, Africa is a mess" or "things will never change."…I am happy…no proud to say, this is not how I see it. And even though I am still interested in working in the developing world, it's not because I lived in the "diplomatic bubble"

Even though I didn't live in the slums or suffer, I saw thousands of people that were. I could have ignored what I saw and just chalked it up to a TIA (this is Africa) experience. Instead, I realized that this was an exceptional moment to educate myself. I learned I have incredible hope for not just Uganda, but the entire developing world. Maybe it is my bias as a Locke kinda girl, ignorantly optimistic about human nature. Or as a pacifist, hoping that we can come out of an era of violence one and find one of peace and understanding.

I am not ignorant to the fact that if we want a peaceful world, we have a long way to go. I do my best to see the reality of each situation, and the reality is far too often that of corruption and oppression. But I also see the end, what can become of the world in the future. Now how to get there, this is my passion and what I plan to devote my life to…the search for the means.

Right now, I have no clue what shape this will take. I also understand that I may not see the results of my own impact in my lifetime. This is something I am absolutely content with.

I have learned a lot, and I understand nothing. Issues where I may have previously provided an empirical answer, I will now respond with "it's complicated". And I truly believe it is. Maybe this isn't helpful and I have become too philosophical in my education, but I think that ignoring that "it's complicated" only highlights your ignorance complexity. If it was easy, someone would have figured it out already.

I am not sure how my experience is all going to play out when I get back to school this fall, or I begin enter the "real world" where people want concrete answers. I want concrete answers too. I want answers to my life decisions, but I don’t have them and I trust this is okay. With each day, I can look at times in my life like my summer in Uganda and remember the way I feel…right now.