There is something unique about feeling in the middle
When most of us reflect on our past, the parts that stand
out are the good, or the bad. We remember a time when we were especially happy,
or maybe devastatingly sad. Even though these moments that stand at the forefront
of our memories, I have started to believe that often the most transformative
times are the ones we spend somewhere in the middle…
This summer has been one of the most unique experiences of
my life. I spent almost 22 years living within a 50 mile radius, just to move
half way across the world to someplace I had never seen, and maybe didn’t belong.
I had never visited another country (other than Canada) and had never flown
across an ocean. Until a couple years ago, I had never even flown on a plane,
yet I took a 40 hour journey alone just go arrive somewhere without familiar
face in thousands of miles. I am sure my experience in Kampala has transformed
my life in immeasurable ways, ways that I may not recognize until years down
the road. But being here isn’t paradise everyday. I sometimes miss the states,
I especially miss the comfort of Athens to which I have become so accustomed. I
miss my friends and the non-sense conversations we would have about things no
one else quite understood. And, dare I say it, I miss home.
While being away is hard, it often even more difficult to
recognize and cope with negative emotions when we have new, exciting
experiences thrown at us every day. It’s a neutralizing feeling, somewhere
between euphoria and dysphoria, between anxiety and Zen.
In my pursuit for “mindfulness” I have been constantly trying
to cope with this pull of emotions. How do I allow my experiences to shape my
life in a positive manner without losing touch with myself? How do I progress
towards an indefinable/unrecognizable goal when I love the live I have already
established? How do I keep in touch with what I love in my past without
sacrificing my future?
If you are hoping this blog is going to provide some epiphanic
answer, sorry to burst your bubble. I am still trying to figure out my own
emotions and am not ready to provide any divine answers to others. While I am
not quite a Buddah, there are things I have learned to remember when we are
pulled between happy and sad, old and new, and the past and future.
1. Don’t be afraid to
be sad and miss the past.
We never know where our future will lead, and we never know who
will exit our life at any given time. Times change and so do people; we must
learn to accept this. Being okay doesn’t mean ignoring feelings that blatantly
exist. We can be sad, we can miss people. If we have lived our life to the
fullest , we will miss our past because it was likely filled with fun and excitement,
but so is tomorrow. While being sad is often beneficial, this is only the case
if you believe it is part of the natural progression of life. We have to be
willing to let go. Attachment is inhibiting, just live.
2. Don’t let plans
restrict the future
And I should addend this by saying goals are fantastic,
however, life planning may not be. We cannot determine where our path will take
us. This is what makes life so exciting. If you want to be successful, work
hard every day. If you want to be a better person, be kind every day. If you
want to change the world, do it through one small act every day. Only when we
take our life step-by-step will we realize the beauty that is now, that life isn’t
about tomorrow, it’s about today.
3. Take the time to
make yourself happy
Growing up is about knowing yourself, whether you are 15 or
55. We may not know yet what makes us truly happy, but this is something we
should work and reflect to find. Also, if the answer is having a new _____ or a
nice_______, you probably haven’t dug deep enough. What makes you smile unconditionally?
What is your passion? Find it. Do it. It should take precedence over obligations,
even if this means a small speed bump towards our goals. If we are not passionately
happy, no amount of success will fulfill the void in our lives.
4. Let go of attachments
This goes off of #1, but work to soften your attachments
with everything but yourself. If we are dependent on something external,
whether it is a friend, relationship, or even a phone, work to control your dependency.
This doesn’t mean breaking up with a boyfriend or ignoring friends, but these
external things are out of our control and if we allow them to determine our happiness,
we have lost control of ourselves. Love what you have, but don’t “need”
anything, (except water, food, and sleep). We have a hierarchy of needs, but
self-control should sit at about #4 or #5.
#5 Simplify what/when
you can
It sounds easy right? But if you are like me, simplifying life
is often one of the most difficult task we are faced with. How do we say no to
fantastic opportunities, even if we probably are too busy to take one another obligation?
While saying yes often leads to tremendous opportunities, we are not going to appreciate
them if our life is overrun with complexity. This isn’t always easy to do, how
do we determine what is important and what is not? Sometimes we just need to do
the simplest task of all, just sit.
#6 Remember, “The
time is now” ;)
Miss the past, be sad sometimes, but every day, appreciate what
is going on now. If we are stuck in the middle, look around and
recognize the beauty that surrounds us. Once we stop worrying about the future
and past, we can move to a comfortable
middle, one that is filled with excitement and new opportunities. We don’t need
some grand plan for this to happen, just do good every day and appreciate what we
have. Karma will do the rest J
While being “stuck in the middle” is often one of the most
difficult emotions to understand, it is one of the most influential, life
enhancing emotions we may find. These moments will pop up and be especially
prominent as our lives begin to change and our experiences stray from the
comfort to we have become accustomed. Being stuck in the middle doesn’t mean we
have to choose being happy or sad, but that we can finally weigh our feelings
and reflect on who we are and what we want. So what do you do? Nothing. We will
grow naturally out of these moments.
“We are shaped by our
thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a
shadow that never leaves” The Buddah
